Letters from a Mid-20s Blogger to the Universe at Large

WTF?! Letters of the Day:

To the World:
WHY didn't anyone tell me that Pretty Little Liars is like Gossip Girl on steroids?! I spent all summer with a severe lack of pretty, entitled teens getting hammered, boning inappropriate people and stabbing each other in the back. Jersey Shore doesn't count because they're too old.
WTF?!
Team Alison,
C

To the Creepy Man on the B Line Giggling to Himself:
WHAT WAS YOUR DEAL?! I don't know what was so funny, but hiding your face in your hands and laughing hysterically at random intervals makes you a prime candidate for "Serial Killer of the Day". I'll keep an eye out for you on next week's installment of To Catch a Predator.
WTF?!
I don't want to end up in your basement,
C

To My Right Contact Lens:
Did the barometric pressure eff around with the pH balance in your little chamber last night? Stabbing me in the eye repeatedly throughout the morning is not the best way to get my attention. Or maybe it is, since I'm writing a note to an inanimate object currently resting on my eyeball.
Still, WTF?!
Only Jen Lancaster and I are allowed to feel stabby,
C

To The Literate Universe:
It's SUPPOSED to, not suppose to; it's USED to, not use to; it's 'TIL not till; it's OF COURSE, not course; it's COULDN'T CARE LESS, not could care less, and for the love of holy oatmeal (yes, I went there), figure out when to use "and I" and "and me".
Again, I ask you: WTF?!
An ED isn't bad when it's tacked on the end of a verb,
C

To Self:
White sweater + White tank - Coat + Torrential downpour =
WTF?!
Transparently Yours,
C

To All the Bloggers Whining About Positivity:
If you all harnessed the energy being devoted to writing about how the h8ers gon' h8, you could probably fuel a wind turbine or some other eco-friendly device. Just sayin'.
WTF?!
It's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to,
C

To the Jorts-Wearing Hipster on the Bus:
No. Just.... no.
For the last time, WTF?!
You'll thank me later,
C

And now some Love Letters:

To Steph:
Thank you so much for the shout-out on your blog yesterday! That was seriously one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about my writing/this blog. I can't wait for pumpkin beer!
No WTF,
C

To All My Readers:
Not be confused with All My Children. Thanks for being awesome. You all rock.
No WTF,
C

And none for Gretchen Wieners.