(Sidenote: I still don't hold my writing utensils the way "they" tell you to. Take that, Mrs. L!)
Anywho... since I have finally found it (in the Coach tote my generous friend gave me, which I had forgotten I was using as a purse last week), here is the remainder of The List:
6) Get Into Grad School
When I graduated four years ago with a B.A. in English, I had absolutely every intention of getting into the publishing industry, making a huge fortune as an Acquisitions Editor and retiring to my home on Martha's Vineyard by the time I was 40. Then the economy tanked, that sneaky temptress Kindle debuted and the entire industry found itself sinking into an abyss of epic proportions. Of course, they only wanted to hire those with previous experience, and apparently, "putting myself through college and working 30 hours a week while maintaining a 3.98 GPA in my major and 3.79 overall" doesn't exactly qualify. Fast forward a few years, and I've taken a workshop in Publishing that covers all sides and, frankly, I don't think it's for me. No, I have grander aspirations at this point, and no, they don't involve flipping burgers at McD's or hocking shoes at JCP. I'm getting my Masters in Health Communication if it kills me, so that I can focus on teen and tween self-image, and ain't no stupid math gonna stand in my way! GRE, HERE I COME!
7) Write More
Pretty plain and simple, right? I used to write all the time -- essays, analysis, creative nonfiction, journals, etc. -- and I miss it. Sure, I write a lot for work, but grant applications, scientific manuscripts and letters of recommendations that I really only edit don't exactly get my heart pumping for more. I've made a dent in this one already just by updating this very blog more than I did ALL OF LAST YEAR, but if I don't make it into The New Yorker at some point, I think my Dad might cry. And no one wants to see that.
8) "Control My Reactions"
In college, I went through a bad spell. A really bad, depressing, "I think I might quit school and I'm so anxious I can't handle the thought of leaving my dorm room to get food" spell. During that time, I sought help -- and have never once regretted it. Kellie at Health Services, wherever you are, you saved my life, simply by sitting in your chair and listening to me while I talked myself into and back out of the mess in my head. One of the key elements I took from my two years of twice-weekly sounding board sessions was my mantra: "I cannot control what happens, I can only control my reaction." In other words, I'm responsible for ME. Not my family, not my friends, not my neighbor's cousin's second wife's basset hound; ME. So, my goal is to stop worrying about stupid hypothetical outcomes of scenarios that might not ever happen and ease up on the perfectionism. It's life; I have to LIVE it!
9) Spread the Love
No, I have not decided to pack up and join a group of polygamists, so get your minds out of the gutter. I have been pretty active in the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation ever since a very good and close friend's son was diagnosed a few years ago. I love the CFF, and I am determined to see the cure before it steals any more children's precious lives than it is already going to. With that, I am hoping to double my fundraising goal this year and *hopefully* run a larger race in the ugly blue checkered tank top. But, that's not enough. I want to find another charity that I can throw my weight behind and get more involved in that... because we all know, sharing is caring.
10) Push My Limits
Out at a bar one night, after one or five margaritas, the friend of a friend I was sitting with went off on how awesome it is that I have so much self confidence and drive. I literally turned around to see who she was talking to. I'm really great at putting on an act; if the Oscar committee calls my name when they open the envelope one of these days, don't be surprised. Because those few people who truly know me know, I'm a complete and total neurotic, insecure and shy person. I HATE new things. I will go out of my way to avoid doing them if I don't force myself to. Case in point: I graduated as the outgoing Panhellenic Academics Chair who had created an entirely new mentoring platform for 800 sorority and fraternity members, the Chair of our sorority's massively successful and spectacular Greek God competition and a pretty well-known member of the Greek community. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but people would come up to me at parties and I'd have no clue who they were (and it had nothing to do with the Line of 99 pre-party). YET - The only reason I went through rush was at the advisement of a friend, my aunt and my therapist, because it would force me into awkward situations that I was completely uncomfortable with. Lately, I've noticed myself getting too comfortable -- so in 2011, I'm vowing to try one scary thing per month. And I'm bloggin' it here!
11) Be a Better (And New!) Friend and Family Member
Sometime over the past few years, I've managed to completely re-work my definitions of friendship and family. I used to have a ton of "friends", people with whom I would go to the bar, act like I was still in college, let them talk down to me and make me feel insecure and ultimately end up loathing myself in the morning. They weren't friends; they were frenemies. I dumped a lot of them during a mass purge following a particularly horrible party, and I don't really regret it for a second. We've "patched things us" to the point of it not being a national disaster if we run into one another out, and I'm cool with that. In retrospect, though, I had to make some tough choices regarding friendship over doing what was best for me, and I really, truly miss some of those people and regret the way I handled things. I've also been totally neglecting my long-time pals, the ones I can go months (or full on YEARS in some cases) without talking to but are like sisters and brothers once we do catch back up -- it's like nothing missed a beat. In 2011, I'm making an effort to make memories, with old and new friends alike. "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold." Those Girl Scouts know their shit. I mean, have you ever TASTED a Thin Mint?!
Aaaaaand that's it. All 11, out there for the world to see. Mildly terrifying yet slightly exhilarating. Chalk that up to progress for #s 7 and 10. And with that, Caitie OUT!
PS- That reminds me.... American Idol? Just not the same without Simon, and did anyone really think Steven Tyler could pull off an entire episode, let alone season, without saying something totally creep-sauce to a 16 year old? I mean, really now.
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