Chopped! Tiny Apartment Edition

When it comes to the grocery bill, I'm the first to admit that I have a pretty... liberal interpretation of the word "budget."

As in, I regularly spend $65 at Stop 'n Shop, $25.50 at Whole Foods and $19.99 at Trader Joe's. In a single weekend. For the two of us. Oh, plus the farmer's market and Friday dinners out, but Andrew usually pays for those so they totally don't count.

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If you couldn't tell from my killer Fat Bastard impression, I love me some food.

As you might suspect, because of this compulsive food shopping addiction, the cabinets in our meager little kitchen are literally sagging under the weight of all the random crap we have amassed in the past year. Take, for instance, my apparent blind terror that we will one day run out of pasta or canned beans. Laugh all you want, but if a bean-less, noodle-less zombie apocalypse is upon us, see if I share my stash during the big carbo-loading party when the time comes to outrun them. NOT TO MENTION that while your glycogen stores deplete and your brains are being chomped on, I will have enough slimy, stringy leftovers to cleverly divert the zombies and get away.

Unfortunately, while I personally would have no problem blowing my entire paycheck on gourmet wine and cheese treats, the company that holds my student loans and my landlord seem to think otherwise.

Bloody buzzkills.

So, in an attempt to help rectify this "shelving problem" AND fatten our wallets, Andrew and I agreed to abandon our usual Supermarket Sweep-style antics this week and try to only eat meals created with the random shit we have accumulated in our kitchen. We gave ourselves a $20 budget on Sunday to buy whatever fresh ingredients we needed. A bag of romaine, a bag of spinach, two grapefruit, two bottles of soda water, a bag of Hoodsies, a loaf of bread and some sandwich thins (and a box of mac n cheese because we ate our last one on Saturday, and both feel very... exposed... should we ever not have one in stock) came to $19.64.

Now let me tell you what (CRo, I hope you read this and say that line in your hubby's Texan twang. I did while I was writing it. Creepy? Maybe. Hilarious? Definitely.). Spending under $20 on food is a MAJOR FEAT, PEOPLE. As has been the actual art of turning our hoards of random boxed goods, leftover vegetables and assorted culinary accessories into meals that are nutritious, satisfying and don't taste like dirt. Particularly considering that we somehow didn't have any meat in backstorage and ran out of milk on Monday.

Basically, we've been pretending we're contestants on Chopped.

You know, the show on Food Network where celebrity chef Ted Allen, formerly known as, "the one from Queer Eye that my Dad always suspected was straight", finds four chefs to compete with each other and is all, "Congratulations.... you have 30 minutes to make a meal out of the following ingredients: Spam, hard taco shells, cocoa puffs and frozen asparagus! Ready? Go! ... sorry, your meal sucked. You have been CHOPPED!"

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Not gonna lie, I'm really enjoying this little challenge. So far, I'm totally winning, because Andrew took one look at our "surprise ingredients" and declared, "spaghetti" and "stir fry" our only hope for the week. Yours truly, however, has a distinct advantage due to that time I stopped eating meat for 47 days, and has whipped up some pretty snappy suppers so far, if I do say so myself (say that 5x fast!).

Monday: Scrambled eggs and pan fries. Used up: the last 3 eggs, scrambled with 1/4 can of organic black beans, some sauteed frozen green pepper, dash red hot, half of the jack cheese in the fridge (which I gave about 2 more days before it becomes a science experiment), and 2 morningstar maple "sausage" patties that have been in my freezer for 2 months, crumbled. Side of pan fries made with 3 small white potatoes, swirl of EVOO, salt and pepper.

Tuesday: Black bean tacos. Used up: the rest of the can of black beans mixed with 1/4 jar of Trader Joe's Roasted Corn and Chile Salsa (which we became obsessed with after sampling it at the Brookline Food Festival), simmered on low with a hefty dose of chili powder, cayenne pepper, cumin, s&p. Served in five hard taco shells (3 for him, 2 for her), with remnants of the lettuce we bought, half of the cherry tomatoes we had left, 1/4 container of sour cream that has 5 days until it expires and all but the last .5oz of the jack cheese as accouterments.

To his credit, despite his lack of imagination in the kitchen, A-man has been a real contender. He has managed to compile lunches for each of us (as well as my breakfast), every day but today (and he did make his own today). Yes, that may SEEM unimpressive, but given the amount of food I require on any given day, it's not something to sneeze at. He informed me this morning that I have run out of cinnamon raisin Ezekiel bread (travesty), my natural pb supply is dwindling (good thing I've run out of toast to put it on!),  I'm on my last grapefruit (I enjoy cheating the system and have one decorating stashed at my desk), we're down to one banana (dibs! dibs! I need it for my GM), our spinach supply is completely depleted (oh, cruel world! I guess he can have that last banana after all), and the remains of our coveted leftover-from-Sunday-Pre-Challenge slices of Pizzeria Regina extra-cheese pie are now out of stock.

We might also be out of raspberry vodka, which is a real shame, seeing as I owe it some of the credit for my sparks of genius in the culinary arena of late.

Sad day.

I haven't taken full stock of the situation for tonight, but I saw a can of chickpeas lurking during my hunt for adobos last night, and A has a dinner date with his Aunt (I'd say he's cheating on our deal except I totally didn't bring lunch and resorted to a miniature cup of mediterranean pepper soup and a bag of baked Lays from Au Bon Pain for lunch). Because he hates curry and I'm slightly ashamed of the amount of canned tomato products I've managed to compile (perhaps to aid in my "this spaghetti is really brains" diversionary tactic? Blood substitute?), I'm thinking some kind of riff on channa masala is in order. Plus, there's a glass of wine left in my fridge taking up space that I really need to get rid of.

Oh, and brownie mix. I HAVE to use up that shelf-space usurping brownie mix.

Thank God for flax "eggs"! :)

What's the most creative meal you've cooked/eaten lately?