Showing posts with label #KirstieAlleyRules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #KirstieAlleyRules. Show all posts

Friday, July 1, 2011

Friday Confessional: Sugar and Spice

I was originally planning to share the deets of why my blissful vacation on the Vineyard turned into a chaotic, mournful and ultimately bonding experience, but then I realized that it's not really my story to tell, and so I shan't. Suffice to say, I had three glorious days on Martha's Vineyard with my aunts and uncles, including two glorious beach days, and my boss promised that I can take a few extra vacation days this summer to make up for the part I missed. I might take a little venture to the Texas part of America in August to visit one of my bffs, CRo, and to attend a CERTAIN little princess' very first birthday party!



Anyway....


Ok, let's cut to the chase. It's Friday. On Fridays, we wear pink confess our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing thoughts, obsessions and musings. 

So, without further ado, I do hereby solemnly confess:

I've got a case of the HGCs.

I remember one night during the second semester of my junior year of college (a feat in and of itself, actually), sitting on a fraternity futon with a bunch of my sorority sisters and pregaming for the evening's events (random factoid for you GDIs: you actually aren't allowed to drink in a sorority house. In some states, it's because a house with a certain amount of women living in it and with booze available is considered a brothel. But really, we just like to keep our floors from getting sticky. That's why God invented fraternities) . As we sat there, giggling about girl stuff and driving the boys men of PMD crazy, the tv was blaring in the background. When our generous host for the evening remarked on how hot the Pussycat Dolls were ("Dontcha" had just come out. I know, I know. I'm old.), one of my friends began to nod vigorously in agreement. "Totally," she squealed, "Nicole Scherzinger is totally my  heterosexual girl crush!" It was a term I'd never heard before.

And I loved it.

These days, it seems like there's girl-on-girl hatred everywhere. There are so many awe-inspiring women out there in the world, and instead of focusing on them and building ourselves up to be like them, we'd rather rip through US Weekly and cattily trash the latest Bachelorette or Britney's weave. Why is that?!? Especially since you know that we ALL have ladies that we admire, whether it be for their rad writing skillz, their ability to bounce back from criticism or their hair color.

And so, I now present to you the first installment of my very own, heterosexual girl crushes:


Katy Perry
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There are a lot of reasons why I love Katy Perry, but the most important one is that she is hilarious on Twitter. And I assume she swears like a sailor, so there's that, too. Oh, and she's gorgeous. It seems fitting that she kick off this list of HGCs, too, as we all know that one time, she kissed a girl (and she liked it!).

Jen Lancaster
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I can't even begin to describe the amount of laughter that JLan has brought me at inappropriate times, but suffice to say that no one else has ever made me almost pee my pants on a city bus. I kind of assume that if I were ever to run into her on the street, I would say something horribly awkward and stupid, which she would totally understand and laugh off, and then we would both blow off food shopping to go indulge in Scorpion Bowls and heckle innocent passersby and become BFF4Ls. Seriously, though, if you haven't read Bitter is the New Black or Such a Pretty Fat, haul your ass to the nearest Barnes and Noble... RUN, don't walk. Then you, too, can partake in mine and Katie's drunk-text-love-fest for this fantastic, hilarious writer.


Kate Middleton
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Two words: The. Hair.

Amy Adams
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My HGC on Amy began with Julie and Julia. Her portrayal of a frustrated administrative assistant-cum-blogger really drew me in and made me relate to the character of Julie in a way I wasn't expecting. I'd blogged back in the day (Come on; who DIDN'T have an LJ and or Xanga?), but J&J was a driving force behind the creation of this little experiment you're reading. Of course, I also loved her in Leap Year (So cute!) and if you try to say you didn't love her just a little bit more after the scene in The Fighter when she takes on all of the Ward sisters on the porch, you're a liar. Plus, Girlfran can SING, too!

Kirstie Alley

Given that it's still my second-most popular post to date, I think we all know this fact: Kirstie is mah' GIRL. She's got sass, style and spunk -- all traits that I greatly admire. Whenever I think of the phrase, "haters gon' hate," I think of all the nastiness she had to endure during her time on DWTS, how much that had to have hurt and, most importantly, how she said to hell with all of those critics and did her best to prove them wrong each and every week. Despite a few stumbles here or there in her life and career, she always manages to pull herself back up, dust herself off and throw herself 110% back into the game. I dig that.


Michelle Obama
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I purposely avoid politics on the blog, but for Michelle, I shall make an exception. First of all, she's Princeton (and Harvard, but who cares) educated. It's a little-known fact, but there was a time in my life when I was courted by Princeton and my ultimate academic goal was to get in there. Sure, it might have been in 8th grade, but the fact remains that they once wanted me, and I still look really good in orange. Her education aside, Michelle is SO DAMN STRONG -- and I'm not just referring to her killer pipes, either. I agree that childhood obesity is a major issue in this country, I love that she grew a garden at the White House, and regardless of your political beliefs, she's providing support to the leader of the free world. That's impressive.

Anne of Green Gables
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Ok, so she's fictional. Big deal. I've already professed my love for a bunch of literary hunks, so I see no problem in the fact that I have a bit of tiny massive HGC on Ms. Anne-with-an-E Shirley of Green Gables, Avonlea, both the literary and cinematic versions. If you couldn't tell from the quotation at the top of the page, I have a lot in common with Anne. We're both gingers. We both possess a limited verbal filter. We both enjoy dramatic interpretations of Tennyson's "The Lady of Shalott". And we both really, really enjoy getting our friends accidentally drunk on raspberry cordial. We're truly kindred spirits and, were she real, I imagine we would be bosom friends.

So, there you have it. Of course, I have many more HGCs -- at LEAST enough famous ones to fill up another post. Plus, there are my HGC bloggers, and my IRL HGC friends and acquaintances. So now I urge you, readers, to contemplate your own Girl Crushes (the H is optional; I happen to like dudes but whatever floats your boat!). Let the Lady Love flow!


So, tell me: Who are YOUR girl crushes?? Why??

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

One if By Land, Two if By Sea

Thanks so much for all of your sweet comments, tweets and emails about Friday's confession -- I'm so glad that there are other people out there that feel the same way I do about taking a stand against what is, it seems, a totally accepted form of bullying. I'm happy to say that I made "The Kirstie Factor" a mantra throughout my weekend, not just for weight-related anxieties (which only plague me occasionally), but any time that I needed that extra boost of confidence and daring and "Don't like it? Tough sh*t!". (I'll be writing about that tomorrow!). So again, I say, thanks, Kirstie!

*****

As you may or may not have heard, yesterday was the 115th running of the Boston Marathon. It's possible to have missed my obsession with  love of this event, but what may surprise you is that I have actually only attended the race twice: this year and last year.

Growing up north of the border (Live Free of Sales Tax or Die!), I obviously never got school off on Patriots' Day. Actually, like the majority of the country, I didn't even know it was a real holiday -- just that my cousins, etc. that still lived in Boston got it off, and that the Boston Marathon was the same day. My dad, a proud BC alum, kept promising to let all five of us skip school to come down and cheer from Heartbreak Hill, but between the divorce and a bit of an attendance problem with my other siblings, we never did get to go.
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My first two years here in Boston, despite living within "hear the crowd roar" distance of BC and Cleveland Circle, I opted to skip the festivities. Most of my friends lived in Somerville and didn't get the whole "trek into the city to watch a bunch of people run" thing, and I didn't want to deal with the hassle. The first year, I just stayed home by myself in pajamas. All. Day. Long. The second, I actually FORGOT about the Marathon, until I ran outside and duck-and-covered under our patio table because 4 fighter jets flew so low over my apartment towards downtown that I was convinced we were under attack (You should be in my office during a ceremonial flyover -- they literally pass our windows. It's insane and awesome).
The only Jets you ever want to see at Gillette (Pats Home Opener 2010)
Last year, however, Andrew decided that enough was enough, and it was time that I finally experienced the legendary Boston Marathon properly. We went to the Sox game, and through his connections, we ended up upgraded to the Monster, which is always a treat. Everyone always says, "Oh, I wouldn't want to be up there, since you can't really see any left field plays." I know, because I used to be one of them, and I'm here to tell you it's total BS. The Monster is the Monster, and once you're up there, you're thanking the baseball Gods for the experience. Or taking photos of the Patriots in full regalia, and spying on the marathon at Kenmore through the chain-link fence between plays.



After the game, we headed down to Kenmore to meet up with some friends at the One-Mile To Go marker. Since we went to the game, we caught the middle of the pack. Talk about inspirational -- I remember turning to Andrew and saying, "Seriously, if I took off running RIGHT NOW for the finish line, I'm 99% sure these people, who have already run 25.2 miles, would beat me to Copley."

Of course, it might have been the 7-11 cups and the bag of Fraaaanzia (whoever named box o'wine with such an elegant name deserves a medal) in our friend's purse talking. Or the lubrication that comes with an 11:00am Red Sox game. Either way, it was then that I vowed to run my first 5k by year's end (which I did, on December 4th!). But I can say with certainty that I would have teared up at the soldiers who make the trek with their rucksacks without it (I was screaming, "THANK YOU!!" between choking back sobs this year, too, and I was 100% adult-soda free).
A true Patriot, indeed.
After the pack thinned out, we joined our friends on an impromptu pub crawl of the Fenway. We went to the Cantina for lunch, where we eventually got kicked out because we were on the patio afterward and, apparently, there's a law that you have to have food in front of you to be on the patio while drinking. We moved the party to Jerry Remy's, more beer was consumed, hilarious stories were told, new friends were made.

Then, after leaving there, one of our pals, who is about 6'5 (I might be exaggerating) and very openly gay, suggested we hit up the Machine, a gay bar across the street. As the straight male of the group, everyone turned to Andrew, who yelled, "BUCKET LIST!" while fist-pumping, and we therefore made our way over and had a fabulous time sipping cosmos (our friend wanted us to get the "stereotypical full-effect"; it was awesome. Just wanted to clarify in case anyone was offended or anything). I had my picture taken in the unisex bathroom with an Adam Lambert look-a-like, and found out that hair cement really is JUST like it sounds (I wish I had the picture).
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Funny story -- somewhere along the pub crawl, I realized that I kept getting all these high-fives from people, and that I kept getting handed beers along with those high-fives. It wasn't until I was in that bathroom that I caught sight of myself in a mirror, and remembered that at the Cantina, I had found a Marathon number discarded on the floor and pinned it to my Sox shirt. My free beer was a direct result of the level of BadAss everyone thought I was for partying like a rock star after running 26.2. (Hello, my name is Caitie, and my ongoing shin splint problems are probably punishment from the running Gods for my blasphemy).

So yeah, that was last year.

THIS year, I've apparently matured as a person, because after watching the beginning of the BM coverage at home (am I the only one who was pissed off that WBZ chose the middle of THE NATIONAL ANTHEM to interview Ryan Hall? Seriously. It's America on Patriots' Day, people. Have some respect), I set out to meet up with Katie in Kenmore Square (the scene of last year's crime) right when the elite women hit the half-mark. Honestly, we timed it perfectly -- about 25 minutes after we got our spot (right on the fence), this came onto the horizon:
2:16:19 -- you can see it on the regular-sized photo!
We went nuts -- at the time, we still didn't know that Kim Smith had pulled out with calf cramps, so we were expecting her to be first. I got this awesome photo of the neck-and-neck race for first between Caroline Kilel and Desiree Davida.
Neck-and-neck until the finish -- a mere 2 seconds separated them!
And you better believe I screamed "GO KARA!!!" as loud as I could when Kara Goucher ran RIGHT PAST US. She heard me and smiled!!!
Can we discuss how this woman had a baby a few months ago?!

My camera memory card filled up right after that, and I ironically missed taking photos of the men, and Ryan Hall, because I was busy deleting off the photos of the 5k Katie and I ran back in March. Somehow, it seemed slightly trivial when these ridiculous runners were pounding out world records and completing a full Mary in the time it takes most of us to run a half! We also saw the famous Joan Benoit Samuelson, which was amazing. Then Katie left to catch her train, and I stayed to cheer on more of the runners.

Once my friend CC's cousin-in-law passed me at Kenmore, I decided to head back towards BC because a friend of mine had just passed the half mark. She was in the third wave, so I knew I could catch her if I hit the D line to Cleveland Circle. I made it, and though I didn't manage to spot her in the sea of runners, I know she DID indeed pass me while I was there, and I had a great time watching drunken buffoons getting wrestled by cops when they managed to jump the barriers and get onto the course.

All in all, I spent a good 3 hours alone, cheering for random strangers, calling out the names of those who looked like they were struggling and high-fiving runners with massive grins on their faces.

But more on that tomorrow.

With that said, CONGRATULATIONS to all of the runners yesterday -- you're all winners, and not in a Charlie Sheen kind-of-way. And to those of you across the country still riding the high of this acclaimed athletic event and, like me, are wondering if you've got what it takes to do it , I have two words:

BAA Half.

Gotta start somewhere, right?!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Friday Confessional: Shake That

Ok, let's cut to the chase. It's Friday. On Fridays, we wear pink confess our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing thoughts, obsessions and musings. 
 
So, without further ado, I do hereby confess:

 I've been shakin' it
Shake it, sh-shake it...

EVERY SINGLE YEAR I make the same vow to myself: I will 100%, absolutely, no way in hell, become involved with any reality TV competition shows. This year, I finally managed to tear myself out of my dysfunctional relationship with The Biggest Loser.... only to wind up sucked in to not only American Idol, but also Dancing With the Stars.

I was once involved in a passionate affair with AI -- I religiously tuned in and voted from seasons Ruben-David Cook. Then I broke up with it the next season, out of the blue, because it just wasn't working for me anymore. It was a whole, "it's not you; it's me" scenario, and by "it's me" I totally meant, "It's Kara DioGuardi".

Despite being in its 12th season, though, DWTS was never on my radar. Perhaps it was because my 87-year old grandfather thought it was the second-best show on television, right after CatholicTV, but I just never had any interest in it. And then, one fateful Monday night late last fall, I came home from a class around 9:30 and tuned into ABC, patiently waiting for Castle to come on.

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One waltz later, I was hooked. And, despite my vehement declaration that I wouldn't be, I'm hooked again this season. #Damn.

Last year, I didn't really give a rat's heiny who won -- but this year, I have a definite favorite, and I don't care whether or not they're actually the best dancers; I love the star for reasons that reach far beyond the dance floor. Kirstie and Maks were two of the first people I started following on Twitter. Not just because Maks is rather droolworthy with abs of steel, but because as a kid, I was desperately on a mission to obtain Kirstie's fab head o' hair. I probably funded half of Pantene's stock options solely with the amount of their product I used to lather all over my head.

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Kirstie is, in short, my girl. But her hair isn't the only reason I admire her.

I'm talking, of course, about the issue of her weight, which I never really thought of as "an issue," but, judging by some of the vicious comments that are being made on comment forums and tv shows around the world, it has become one. Apparently some of the American public and some stupid late-night comedians think it's just totally ok to malign a woman for not being ashamed of herself for her extra fluff, and not letting them stop her from participating in something fun and good for her, and oh, btw, might even cause her to drop a couple pounds.

Because, you know, if you're overweight, you obviously deserve to be hidden away in a back room somewhere, and God forbid you do something enjoyable. Because you're barely human and don't deserve to feel alive, or good about yourself, or participate in anything that thinner people do. Heavens, no.

Seriously. Grow up.


Note to all you asshats out there pouncing on Kirstie's weight and using it in your jokes: YOU ARE THE REASON that people who want to get in shape are afraid to hit the gym/streets, and YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES far more than they should be.

As a self-conscious, overweight woman, I can tell you that a large part of the reason I gained so much weight in college was because I was embarrassed that I had let myself get to that point, and I was terrified that if I went to the gym, or even went for a run on the street, people would make fun of me. Or worse, they would pity me; "Poor fat girl", they'd say to their companions, a hint of sympathy and concern in their voices, "honey, if you'd only put the cheeseburgers down and exercise some self-restraint, you wouldn't be red-faced and ready to die after two blocks at 4 mph."
I voiced my concerns and insecurities to a few close, trusted people, and I almost inevitably received the stock answer: "It's all in your head; no one is looking at you." I WANTED to believe them, but my eyes and ears were telling me otherwise -- people whom I thought of as "friends" would comment on overweight joggers; "OMG, if I were that huge, I'd NEVER be out running on the street; I'd kill myself!" is a real direct quote from someone I used to count among my friends. "Wow, should that lady REALLY be eating that donut? Maybe she should try a salad" was a frequent refrain. Not to mention, of course, the barrage of insults and fat jokes that are made every day in the media; George Lopez is not the first, nor will he be the last, to hurl them.
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Oddly enough, though, those people's voices always sounded suspiciously like my own, echoing throughout my head to the point that they were all I heard. So, instead of hitting the gym, or going for a simple walk, I would hide myself under baggy clothes, break out the Double Stuf Oreos and settle into my dark dorm room and a marathon of Law and Order: SVU. Wasn't that what a fat girl was supposed to do?


When her phone call came, Kirstie could have taken the same road. She easily could have said, "Oh, you know, I'd love to do Dancing With the Stars -- and as soon as I lose 25 lbs, I'll do it, but right now I just can't...people might make fun of me." Because she's a strong woman, though, she didn't; she told her naysayers to eff off, decided NOT to wait for some arbitrary day when she's "good enough" and to LIVE HER LIFE RIGHT NOW.

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And because she did, I found the confidence to go and, for the first time, really let go at Zumba on Tuesday night. Honestly? I probably was one of the biggest girls there. Yet when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I didn't see the lithe, tight-bodied former dance team members around me.

I saw a girl having a fabulous time, burning over 550 calories in 45 minutes and shaking her size 14 ass like Shakira.

A-ooooooo!!!!

Thanks, Kirstie.