Partly Cloudy With a Chance of Showers

Though I don't think anyone would normally refer to me as a ray of sunshine, today I'm feeling downright dyspeptic.

My humors appear to be totally out of whack.

My all-time favorite word, splenetic, comes to mind. From Dictionary.com:

  

Sple·net·ic  

Adjective.  Also, sple·net·i·cal.

1. of the spleen;  splenic.

2. irritable; peevish; spiteful.

3. Obsolete . affected with, characterized by, or tending to produce melancholy.

Basically, it's only 10am and it's already been one of those days where I wound up 3 nanoseconds from knocking some mouth-breather's block off on the T because he was all up in my biz-nas. As it is, Katie and I have already discussed the possibility of locking ourselves in a storage closet with oreos, queso and all-natural chunky peanut butter, occupying our day with naps, The Price is Right and a sign outside that reads, "Please Feed the Trolls." Sometimes, that's really all we can do, isn't it?

I know, I know; "look at the day with positivity! CHANNEL that positivity through your day! BE THE BALL!".

Pardon me while I drown the ball in the inky depths of my death glare.

Here are a few other.. shall we say, issues, that are chewing at the ends of my nerves today:

• Is it just me, or does the term "fur baby" have the same effect as swilling straight moonshine on anyone else? I mean, I love me some animals and all, but I have not, nor will I ever, be referring to myself as some hairy creature's "mom." Unless, of course, my flesh-and-blood child ends up looking like its cousin, who was born with more hair than a baby chimp:

She never lost any of it, either. Her first haircut was at 2 months.

• Sometimes, when the sun is beating down full-force, there's a slight breeze wafting through the trees and you've already gotten your daily dose of vitamin D (all 2 minutes of it sans-sunscreen; after that it's SPF 30 or risk being served up with a side of drawn butter and corn on the cob), the world just calls for one teeny, tiny thing to make itself more perfect: blender drinks. Even if you DO lose the blade to your Magic Bullet and have to resort to using the food processor, and your kitchen begins to resemble what could surely be a scene from Dexter:

• Lastly, does anyone else have a certain individual that they can count on, almost without fail, to irritate them at some point or another during the day? It could be a frenemy, a passive-aggressive coworker, the dude working at your local coffee haunt, whatever -- just someone please reassure me that I am not the only one in possession of an acquaintance that I am 99% sure was placed in proximity to me by the Lord solely to test my patience and grace, or because He gets a massive kick out of watching me try to hold back some of the scathing retorts I have swimming around in my brain, and is anxiously awaiting the inevitable day that I scream, "STOP GIVING ME THE ONCE OVER AS THOUGH YOU'RE STACY-EFFING-LONDON ALREADY!!!"

Longest run-on sentence EVER.

Breathe.

Here's hoping a lunchtime spin class restores me to my usual partly cloudy with a chance of showers temperament. ;)