What the French Toast Did I Get Myself Into?!

First off, I'm getting more and more annoyed with my inability to reply to comments here on Blogger -- I know I could install a third-party system or just finally make the switch to Wordpress and all, but the fact that I currently update from whatever computer I can get to, and don't want to download anything on them since they're not, you know, mine, makes that hard. Besides, can't Blogger get with the program already and get on that shit?! It's 2011, for crying out loud. (Sidenote: if there's some way to do this without downloading anything, and I'm just an idiot, kindly let me know. I'm somewhat technologically inept).

And now for the really fucking terrifying exciting news (as mentioned on Twitter).... I just spent 38 minutes going back and forth over actually going there and registering for the Boston Athletic Association Half Marathon.

[Source]

I mean, do I really want to run 13.1 miles? In just over 3 months? And essentially give up all other forms of exercise, just when I'm finally getting my head back into the game, spinning and Zumba-ing and yoga-ing my way through the week and really pushing to get my blood pressure back to a normal level? Do I really want to do that? Really?

Then I remembered Maura's post from Friday, when she wrote about how thankful she is to have her trainer and how she has been pushed to try things she didn't think were possible before. In the comments, I asked her if she ever felt intimidated or embarrassed to try new things at the gym, because I find that I have MAJOR anxiety over looking stupid and/or not knowing what I'm doing. Being the fantastic and sweet person that she is, she replied:

I feel you on the “gym shy” factor, but I bet you if you took that BodyPump class you’d be stoked because a) you’ll have tackled a fear, and b) you’ll probably sweat your ass off. Win/Win situation baby! I fought the fear to do spin and even though I’m still a little nervous, who cares. I would have missed out on a new hobby if I kept being afraid. Now go find out when the next class is and tell me how it goes

Ok, so maybe I haven't signed up for my gym's version of BodyPump yet, but I figured that this is actually something I'm even MORE scared of: a medium-term commitment, fear of failure and the bodily aches and general uncomfortableness that come whenever I run more than 2 miles at a time.

So, naturally, I put my hand on the mouse, moved it to the left of my screen and hit, "Register."

Sorry the pic is so huge but you couldn't see it unless I made it XL.

I did it.

Then I got a massive case of the, "OMG WTF DID I JUST DO?!"s because, to be honest, I am SCARED OUT OF MY MIND.

I don't do hills well -- and as Stephanie pointed out via Twitter, the course is known to be pretty hard, all downhill the first half and all uphill the second. I also haven't run more than a few miles at a time since, well... ever. I think my max, all-time, is 5.2 and it took me an hour of run/walking on a flat route to do it. Courtesy of my father's genetics, I was cursed with some of the flattest feet in the universe, so I'm constantly fighting to find the balance between the right speed, the right elevation levels and shin splints. Oh, and I can thank Dad for the asthma, too, and should probably remember to buy stock in Ventolin for the next few months.

To be frank, this challenge is going to be a real bitch.

But, as evidenced by this post (and this one), I decided back in January to take my fears into my own hands and made a list of all the things I hoped to achieve in 2011. I know that I haven't been giving my goals my all for the past few months, and I'm owning up to the fact that it's been out of a combination of sheer laziness and fear. I'm terrified of setting out to accomplish something and then failing to reach my expectations of it -- whether writing, a new gym class, or running a half-marathon is the task at hand. If I never try, then I never fail, and the dream lives on.

But it stays just that: a dream. A big, huge, "What If?"

So I'm trying. Place check marks in boxes #3 (Run a Half Marathon), #8 (Control My Reactions), #10 (Push My Limits) on your "Caitie's Kicking Ass And Taking Names in 2011" scorecards, please.

On a sidenote, I know that I'm very lucky for this opportunity. There are far scarier things in the world than being fearful that you won't be able to finish running a certain distance in a certain amount of time, and I absolutely acknowledge and own that this is kind of a WGP. Plus, I can take solace in the fact that I won't be doing this alone!

Because once I had my registration # up on the screen, I went back to the "Participant Registration" and hit it again, filling out the top part of the form, the part for "personal information", with a different name, the same address, and a different gender.

That's right! I registered Andrew, too (with his explicit permission, of course!).

So, now the two of us have each other for motivation and inspiration. I'm choosing to ignore the fact that he is a former varsity athlete who can whip 10-minute miles straight out of his ass whenever he feels like it, or that I have a bunch of other accomplished runner-friends who signed up this morning (I cheered one of them on during the Marathon in April!). I'm extremely lucky and thankful to have so much talent and wisdom to draw advice and inspiration from!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go look in to having one of those gas station-sized ice receptacles placed in my apartment...